Living Hope – Group Training Outline

Cell Leader Training

Session 7 – Dealing with Conflict

[Notes in square brackets for the session leader only – not to be read out]

Pre-session Preparation

Have some paper and a pen so you can write down additional ground rules that the group suggest.

Welcome

If you were stranded on a desert island, who would you least like to be with you and why?

Worship

[Ask one person to read Psalm 32 and another to read 1 John 1:8-9. Ask each person in turn to name one sin that he/she stills struggles with even as a Christian. In an open time of prayer, confess your own failures before God, pray for one another, and give thanks to God for his mercy and acceptance.]

Word

Instructions to Trainees: This section forms the training study for this week.

1. Read the study before the training session and ask a trainer if there's anything you don't understand
2. During the session read out the whole of the Introduction section
3. Use the Discussion Questions to lead a group discussion on this week's training topic.

Today's Topic: Dealing With Conflict

Introduction

Any new cell group will pass through a number of recognised stages between its formation and giving birth to a new group. The first few weeks are the ‘Formation Stage' when people are coming and going and trying to decide if the group suits them or not. Once things have settled down and you have a reasonably stable group, then comes the so-called ‘Conflict Stage'.

We are never looking for conflict, but experience shows it is a common experience in new groups. As people look at their fellow group members they begin to notice their imperfections and then to become irritated by their shortcomings. Of course, the teaching of Scripture is that we should deal with our own shortcomings before criticising anyone else: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" (Luke 6:41) But, as always, this is easier to say than to do.

A Christ-centred small group provides a special place where people can grapple with the difficult issues of life, find grace and support to help them in their struggles, and in time, overcome them. A good group will help each member to experience more of life as God meant it to be – the ‘life that is truly life'!

The very closeness within a small group can itself lead to conflict. Jesus' own group, ‘the Twelve', often argued and fell out with one another. When these things happen, it is important to understand that God uses problems and conflicts to cause us to grow! James says this: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance…" (James 1:2-3)

These are some common causes of conflict in a small group:

• Someone talks too much
• Someone frequently interrupts or argues a lot
• Someone is aggressive or abusive
• Someone displays a ‘superior attitude'
• Someone refuses to cooperate with the group's aims and way of working
• Members fail to listen to one another
• Members fail to respect one another

Your job as Cell Leader is to protect the ‘group process' so that the group experience remains positive for all members. If you fail, people will leave!

Some Ways to Deal with Inappropriate Behaviour:

• Take control of the situation yourself; e.g. stop the over-talker or interrupter and ask them to let others speak; but don't comment
• Speak to the person concerned in private about their behaviour in the group
• Tell the group what you see happening, (e.g. I notice some people are getting cut off when they try to speak) and ask the group to comment (e.g. Ask "How can we make sure everyone gets a proper chance to speak?")
• Raise a specific problem you observe, and ask the group how they feel about it and what action they think should be taken (e.g. someone repeatedly interrupts when others are speaking and doesn't treat them with appropriate respect. Discuss the issue as a group and decide together what limits to set – e.g. when the group sees this begin to happen someone will raise their hand and the interrupter must stop.)
• If any problem becomes too great for the group to handle, seek outside help (e.g. from the Pastor or senior church leaders)

When confronting inappropriate behaviour, the way you do it makes all the difference. Try stating your thoughts as opinions or observations instead of ‘you should' instructions. E.g. ‘I notice that…' or ‘I think that…' instead of ‘You should do this…' Remember to be ‘hard on the issue but soft on the person'. Set limits which not only stop inappropriate behaviour, but also enable an offender to be easily reconciled with the group. E.g. An over-talker may be asked not to make any contribution to the group discussion for the next 2 weeks, to allow others to get used to making their own contribution.

Discussion Questions

Question 1 One basic ‘ground rule' for groups is that ‘members should always treat each other with respect'. Suggest some other ground rules that would help a small group function well. [Write down the ground rules suggested; they could be of future use.]

Question 2 Imagine a group you are leading has a member who just will not submit to the group and its rules. They turn up late; they change the subject during discussions; they often argue against others or even against the teaching of Scripture. Suggest some ways this situation could be handled.

Question 3 If you've ever experienced some kind of conflict in a small group, share what happened. Was the situation handled well or badly?

Prayer Time

Take a few minutes as a group to share current needs, then members pray for each other's needs.

Witness

[Begin to plan an Outreach Event focused on building and strengthening relationships between church members and people on the Outreach List. The event would be held towards the end of the training period, say between week's 10 and 11, and should be designed to make it easier to invite these people to join one of the church's new groups once they start. Decide the type of event (social only or some Christian content), who to invite, where and when to hold it. Assign specific members to be responsible for carrying out any actions identified. Close by praying together for these unchurched people.]

Cell Leader Training 7 - Version 2 Oct 15